Sperm Bank

Could there be anything unsexier than masturbating at a sperm bank? Possibly…but I haven’t come across it yet. Today I had to make a 30 mile trip to jerk off into a cup. As a precaution before chemotherapy the doctors recommend a few deposits at the sperm bank. Chemotherapy can reduce your sperm count for some time and in rare instances it can make it very difficult to conceive children. That’s a scary thought for me and my wife, she’s 23 and I’m 26 and we’re looking forward to starting a family in a few years after we’re done with law school and the bar exam. The problem with sperm banks/fertility clinics is that they do not take insurance so you’re paying out of pocket for them to cryogenically freeze your sperm like it’s Austin Powers and to store it for a given length of time. I don’t know how much it typically costs around the country but I went to IVF Florida and it’s going to cost me $370 a session plus $250 a year to have it stored. That’s nuts (no pun intended).

They recommend you abstain from ejaculating for a few days before, so you come into this place with a lot of swimmers to drop off at the pool.

The nurse led me into a room which was the saddest sight in masturbation history. It was a dimly lit room with a leather recliner (which had a sign on it that it had been sanitized), tissues, a tv with a VCR and a pile of magazines. The magazines were all Playboy (had to check) and if anyone has opened a Playboy in the last 10 years they know there’s maybe 5 nude women in an entire issue. I didn’t take a look at what the VCR porn collection was but I’d imagine its soft core and awful. I utilized my iPhone and its 3G service to get my own stimulating content but it was just awkward and I could hear people talking in the office through the wall and it was just unpleasant, I never wanted to finish and get out of somewhere so bad in my life.

I have to go about two more times before next Friday. I met with my new doctor down here in Florida who was a really pleasant man and gave me a lot of insight into what was ahead of me with the ABVD treatment. I’m starting my first treatment on Friday, August 19. All that within 16 days of being told I had Hodgkins Disease. I start my second year of law school on Tuesday and the school so far said they will do their best to help me out with scheduling and absences if it’s a problem but time will tell how this treatment effects me.

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