Bone Marrow Biopsy

This was not a fun experience.

I’ve been pricked with a lot of needles in the week that I was getting tested to determine what kind of lymphoma I had but none haunt my dreams as much as this one.

If you’re about to get this procedure done PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS!!!!!

If you’re sadistic and can’t wait to find out what’s in store for you…please continue on…I came to my oncologist’s office for this procedure, he had to make sure that my bone marrow was clean and that the lymphoma had not spread there. It’s a standard procedure for anyone with lymphoma.

He asked me to lay down on my left side, raise my right knee up to the wall and brace myself against the wall. You never want to hear a doctor tell you to brace yourself. So there I am, laying with half my ass exposed to this man who I had only met once before. Hey doc, I’d usually like to be wined and dined before I get fucked. That was just me thinking to myself but I figured not the most appropriate thing to say to a man with a giant needle in his hand. I spoke too soon, with me laying on my side he said “Don’t worry, I haven’t done this that many times but I just watched a video on YouTube so we should be alright.”

Funny guy. I had to laugh, the guy is breaking my balls like any typical New Yorker would.

First part of the procedure was a shot into the back pelvic region to numb out the pain, it felt like a cigarette was being put out on my skin for a few seconds but it subsided. I can’t imagine remaining conscious through that whole thing without the shot.

Then comes the fun!

Ouch.

I never once looked back to see what instrument he was holding or anything, I put my head against the cold beige wall like I’m sure hundreds if not thousands of people have done in that office and did all I could; braced myself.

The needle going in wasn’t exactly excruciating but felt like a bit of pressure. Then we reach the bone and all hell breaks loose with your pain receptors. Your body literally says “Hey what the fuck is going on here?” and starts freaking out, I was shaking, my legs were jerking and my entire body clenched up tight like I was getting ready for a gut shot from Mike Tyson.

Iron Mike ready to knock the marrow out ya bones.

Now doc has to break through your pelvic bone with this needle and suck all that delicious marrow out. He starts rotating the needle like he’s mixing a batter of cookie dough. It hurts is an understatement, I began to bang my forehead against the wall to relieve the pain that was shooting down the left side of my lower body. This lasted approximately 45 excruciating seconds. Yet no marrow.

“There’s a piece of bone stuck in the tip of the needle we’re going to have to try again.”

I’m panting like I either ran a marathon or fucked like a jack rabbit. Great, I get to go through this again. The doc put another needle in and this time was able to get into the bone just fine, the previous description of pain remains the same, it was less than a minute to get back into the bone and then he slowly extracts the bone marrow which hurts like all hell, it sends a pain you can feel in your bone right down your ass into your hamstring. We got the marrow out and we were done. It didn’t take that long but it felt like an eternity.

It’s been three days now since the procedure and the spot where he put the needle through still hurts and anytime I sit on it or my waistband rubs against it I get a nice shot of uncomfortable pain. It’s getting better but I’d imagine that’s what a stab wound feels like.

I’m off to my first appointment at the clinic where I’m set to start chemotherapy for the typical EKG and breathing tests, today will determine when I start the process of actual treatment. It’s been 9 days since this whole ordeal began and there’s still a long road ahead.

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